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Happy Father’s Day, Grand Dave!

21 Sunday Jun 2026

Posted by Chip Hewette in Christianity

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Tags

family, life, love

Today we celebrate Fathers. A unique and challenging role. And, one person in my life I don’t think I’ve ever told you about…

Meet “Grand Dave.”   Grand Dave is living at Shell Point Retirement Home, in Fort Myers FL.  It is a palatial compound, with 700 acres of manicured grass, 1,100 staffers, and 2,500 residents.

Grand Dave and my Mother fell in love many years ago, and my sister Jennifer Snow and I could see their future. I remember as a young single man looking at Dave as if he were a competitor of mine, and that he wasn’t right for my Mother. Before they married, they vacationed in Florida, both of them loving camping in a tent, the outdoors, and taking care of his aging parents down in New Port Richey. I drove my pride and joy, a grey 1970 Volvo 164 to meet them and my sister for a brief weekend as a family. I recall talking to Jennifer over breakfast about this dastardly man who was romancing our mother, and how it seemed inevitable that they would soon be married. Being the son of a single Mom, you do get a bit protective.

(not my car, but the same model and year…always loved the front end style)

The weekend went well enough, except that my Volvo starting smoking from the passenger side rear wheel. Turns out the brake on that side was stuck and in a few hundred miles not much was left of the brake pads. They went on while I found a nearby repair shop with a skilled mechanic, which was an amazing story all to itself. After rejoining them, the trip was thankfully pleasant and the old car carried me back to Knoxville TN without further incident.

Sure enough, though, some months later, Grand Dave proposed to Mom. I think she was smitten by his sartorial taste in work boots that he forgot to change out of one day, wearing them with a dapper grey suit to the symphony orchestra concert. You must admit, for a man who had never been to the symphony orchestra to even attend a concert, because he was in love, that says a lot.

Grand Dave had two kids, just like us. Little David was a year ahead of me in school, and Jenni was a year ahead of my sister. But we knew each other socially, having learned to dance at “Debonair Dancers” after school together. Yes, we did do the promenade, the waltz, and the two-step. I always hated when the teacher made us ask the girl to our right or left for the next dance. You never knew whose feet you would be stepping on next, and you hoped she was pretty. One day the shortest girl in the class and I had to dance, and it happened to be the day the newspaper was doing a piece on our after-school activity. Yes, our picture, entitled “The Long And Short Of It,” made the News-Sentinel.

So, with our shared past, a wedding of two families seemed so relaxing. We all participated in the wedding. We soon became a blended family of adult kids, and soon enough both David and Jenni had kids of their own. Mom and Grand Dave hosted spectacular Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, and summer cookouts with badminton and horseshoes in the yard. Dave took us out on his boat, as often as he could, and we loved trying to water ski on Fort Loudon.


Being young engineers, both Jennifer and I, and having our own challenges, we didn’t see how much Grand Dave meant to my Mom for a while. But, on the occasions when we were allowed to peek behind the curtain, so to speak, we saw a man who was so perfectly suited for his new role. Mom was managing a new real estate venture, dealing with the government foreclosed houses, and getting them back into saleable condition for the lender. Dave was working for a trucking company, selling LTL services and managing customer relationships. Mom needed help, though, and Dave started doing anything she asked.  There’s a movie with the same sentiment – The Princess Bride.  I’m sure you remember how the hero always replied to his love with “as you wish.”  Dave was never quite the dashing swordsman pirate, but he was always there.  Whatever she needed, he was her Wesley.  Real estate is a hard life.  Mom worked ten to fifteen hours a day, when we were in high school, and with this new venture, she needed someone strong. 

And, Dave was strong.  He had been through a lot. Turmoil.  Sadness.  Stress.  At times, it must have got to him.  But, once he recognized he needed change, he made a change.  He was strong enough to overcome his greatest challenge, and every day he faced it down.  Mom knew he was strong, and I think her love for Dave grew in that year of engagement.

With his personal strength, he soon found himself on the road with her, inspecting homes, clearing brush, putting up signs, taking pictures inside and outside the home, toting tons of trash left by the derelict homeowners to the dump, pretty much anything required.  What made Dave special is how he was able to keep the stress from spilling out.  He managed to shoulder that stress, to keep moving, and to accomplish the mission.  I know he must have been exhausted after working two jobs, essentially, for years.

In time, though, Mom and Dave were able to return to Florida to the wonderful lifecare community Shell Point.  This move was made possible by another skill Dave had…analyzing and planning.  He had been working for years on the family finances, keeping some order from the chaos of buying and selling real estate, and one day he told her  “It’s time for us to go!”  Mom needed that kind of leadership and care.  She had kept her head down since 1973, just working and working and working, hoping to retire soon.  But Dave could see the dream and the reality finally coming together.  The condo they loved atop a hill in Knoxville went on the market, and a nice little condo at Shell Point was purchased.

You know retirement is supposed to be easy, right?  That’s what my retirement advisor promised me!  But, even in the midst of splendor at Shell Point, challenges arose.  Dave was able to quietly manage the family.  Old pets, new pets, old friends, new friends, sunshine and rain.  Church anchored them in the new environs.  And Dave bought another boat, his favorite activity of all.  It was a pontoon boat, and at Shell Point he could leave it docked ready to go anytime.  I think it made him happy, just knowing he could head out and cruise the Caloosahatchee River bay anytime.  Dave make friends with anyone he met, and his gregarious nature made their social life enjoyable.  As you know aging takes a toll on the body, even now I can sense it in my young body. Dave continues to fight whatever ailment he has.  What is always amazing is his approach to pain and frustration.  Instead of complaining, he accommodates.  Instead of wishing for days gone by, he lives in the present.  A good hamburger is better than a strip steak, most days.  And, watching his beloved UT Volunteers is a must do.  

You know how hurricanes can make or break a family.  Dave and Mom suffered enormously with Hurricane Ian, in 2022.  Their first-floor condo only feet from a river waterway was of course flooded by the wall of water surging northeasterly.  That emotional trauma of losing everything would have broken most of us, but Dave and Mom managed to overcome.  They stayed in temporary housing on premises, then finally made it to a new third floor apartment in assisted living.  Did I mention how strong Dave is?  I hope one day I can withstand “my” hurricane, as he did.

This copse of trees is about 50 yards from the first floor condo…blown away…a boat from the dock ended up within sight of their front door.

Dave lost his wife, my Mom, in August 2024.  Being with him that day, I could see the incredible man he is.  Tough.  Wise.  Sensible.  And still madly in love.  We both cried together, there in the apartment, at 3:00 am.  I’m sure he thinks of her every day, as do I.

Dave still enjoys life at Shell Point.  I don’t get to see him as much anymore.  Jennifer looks in on Dave and keeps all the kids informed.   She calls Dave “Dad” now.  And truly, he is.  Happy Father’s Day, Grand Dave…I mean, Dad.

First Mother’s Day Without Mom

12 Monday May 2025

Posted by Chip Hewette in Personal Growth, Relationships

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

family, life, love, mom, mothers-day

Missing Mom today. Actually most days.

I find myself wanting to call and share my life with her. You know, just chit chat about the day. That I worked another accident as a police volunteer, where the cars were all smashed up. That I finally bought that special car. That I worked on the deck (again). That I played my violin at church. That I ran a 10K. That Sandy The Little White Dog ate her breakfast for a change. You know, important stuff.

Our lives are enriched when we share them with family. Good times. Hard times. Bad times. Sharing brings both perspective and peace.

The voice of a Mother, even from far away, brings us back to those days. When the toy trucks and cars roll in the sandbox. When freshly mixed Kool-Aid slakes your thirst. When the hot dog casserole nourishes an empty tummy, even with those green beans covered with mushroom soup. When an Arby’s jamocha shake is a reward for withstanding yet another violin lesson way over in west Knoxville.

The voice of a Mother sometimes speaks truth that you don’t want to hear. In college to earn my engineering degree, I found myself believing my musical skills and my jazz band were poised for greatness. Mom dropped what she was doing, drove three hours to meet me for dinner, and gently shared her guidance. She was right. I’m an engineer, not a jazz band musician ready to blow out of town and hit the road with my friends in a clapped out Chevy van. It was hard to hear, hard to accept, and yet without that voice my office wall wouldn’t have a picture of me graduating from Vandy. Or a 41-year career creating new and better gizmos.

I think Mom probably grew tired over the years. Not tired of listening to me, but just tired. Tired from sharing her guiding principles, her evaluation, her advice over my advancing years. As I think back to our many conversations, I realize that the energy she gave to build me up all these years most likely depleted her own reserves of emotional strength. She continued to be Mom until the very end, but at times, I wondered who she was, in those last days. Doubtless her many physical ailments and continual pain challenged her spirit. I sensed that she was different, that she was not now who she once was. It was hard for both of us.

So today, my first Mother’s Day without her, I feel sadness. I can’t let it show, of course. Got to be strong. I’ll be okay. I can do this. Right.

If you’ll permit, let me encourage you to reach out today. Let Mom know, even if she’s far away, that you treasure her. That you recognize the sacrifices of a single Mom who worked without rest for years to put food on the table and two kids through high school and college. That you welcome her advice on life. Listen to it, even if you disagree. Thank her for it.

And, most of all, if your Mom is in the winter of life, be strong for her. Be accepting of her frailties. Be ready to step in, when asked. Know that she is still in charge, and navigate those tough times when you have to be her guide. Be the child she welcomed into the world so many years ago, and share that radiant love with each other.

May God bless you, Mom, as you live in His light and rejoice every day with Him. Thank you for giving me life and love.

The Best Job Ever

03 Wednesday Apr 2024

Posted by Chip Hewette in Discovery, Personal Growth

≈ Comments Off on The Best Job Ever

Tags

cars, creative-writing, family, love, writing

I think I had the best job I ever had in high school.

My single mother worked at a real estate company helmed by a strong and independent woman.  Her name was Sue Miller.  Sue was the force behind Frank Wylie Realty, and had become president of the small company.  My mother and Sue became good friends, and as youngsters, we were often in the office while my mom worked the phones or made appointments or researched home values.  Back then, of course, there were only printed MLS books each week, hardbound phone books, and typewriters.  You had to work in an office, there was no such thing as the internet.  So, while we were there, we had to make ourselves scarce and stay out of trouble.

I made my way to Sue’s office, most of the time.  She had a brown leather chair, button-tufted upholstery, armrests, and a high executive back.  Her desk faced the door, and there were bookshelves behind it with a credenza to the left.  I would sit there, imagine myself as an executive, and occupy myself by sketching planes, cars, and guns.  Sue was a person who had a zeal for life, and in her zeal she made things happen.  One day she bought a plot of useless land on the side of Chapman Highway, with no space for any buildings.  The land rose quickly from the small parking lot, being essentially a hillside, and was covered with trees.  To Sue, it was perfect.  Perfect for a water slide!  The only slide in the area was miles away, and you took Chapman Highway to get to it.  Sue built a water slide with a concrete U-shaped river down the hill, complete with bath houses and refreshment stand, and for a few years managed to enjoy a break-even existence.  We splashed down the hill on rubber mats often, as we had special membership privileges and no ticket cost.

Sue was single, but cared about my sister and me.  We didn’t understand why we were special to her, but were grateful.  The summer before high school, Sue knew I needed to earn money.  She drove up to our home one day, opened her trunk, and presented me with a lawnmower.  She included everything I needed.  And, with all her rental and commercial property, she had plenty of lawns to mow.  I had to mow a couple of rental house yards that were overgrown, with grass at least two feet high.  I had to mow an entire apartment complex yard with a 22-inch mower.  I think that took me three days.  In her own way, she kept track of the yards I mowed, and every week I kept at it.  That summer, I was traveling to Austria on a summer exchange program, and spending money was needed.  Instead of paying me for each yard, when I did it, Sue banked the money on my behalf.  The week before I flew to Austria, she came to our house and gave me $250.  I had never seen so much money.  It made the trip special, having that money to buy souvenirs and food. Wandering around Austria, I watched the trip leader take snapshots with a special camera that interested me. It was small and so perfectly engineered. Right there in Salzburg I was able to buy a Minolta Hi-matic F 35mm camera similar to his Rollei Trip 35 with half of my lawnmowing money, so I could take pictures while on the five-week trip.  That camera I used all through high school, and I still have it today.  I keep in in a safe place, as it is a souvenir of value.

Sue knew I wanted to participate at Webb School on the track team, and took me to Athletic House on Gay Street in downtown Knoxville for special running shoes.  They were white leather, with three green stripes. Webb School colors.  Adidas.  She even took me out to the school track about 25 miles away for me to try the shoes out.  I think now that Sue was a woman who had a gift for parenting, but was not able to participate as most women did, never getting married, but staying home, and caring for us kids.  Sue’s life was different, and exceptional in its genuine sharing of emotion and passion.

She had a Honda Trail 90, that she mounted to her Winnebago RV.  I learned to ride a motorycle on that Honda. I’m not sure my Mom approved, but it was not much bigger than my bicycle.

Sue couldn’t drive a car.  Sue needed a car.  As long as I knew her, she drove a car that everyone wanted, and no one could afford.  A 1972 Cadillac Eldorado convertible.  Gold, with parchment leather upholstery and a white top.  It looked similar to this one.

It had a 500 cubic inch V8 engine, and front wheel drive.  It was amazing.  To Sue, it was transportation.  She never spoke of the car, never bragged about the car, but she drove everywhere in it.

Sue found a house at 3828 Maloney Road way out off Alcoa Highway, with a pool, overlooking the river.  

There, she had a pool table, a big TV with what at the time was unheard of…a Sony Betamax videotape player.  Sue allowed our Sunday School class to have a swimming party at her place.  At Christmas, we were never sure what to expect.  One year she gave me a Winchester .22 rifle, and another year she gave me a stereo system.  There was no end to Sue’s thoughtful generosity.

And, one day, before the school year ended, she rolled up in that big Eldorado, and drove me to a service station.  It was the Cloverleaf Servicenter.   A Union 76 station.  The gentleman who filled the tank knew Sue, and they talked for a while.  I was introduced to Buster, the owner.  We spoke for a few minutes, and then Sue and I drove away.  On the way home, she said “You’ll start work there on Monday.”

I was thrilled.  Working at a service station?  The young man who for years had drawn racing cars.  The young man who had attempted to disassemble a junkyard Ford V8 engine that my mom gave me to learn on when I was ten years old.  Now, I would be working for real, on cars and trucks.  And making money!

So many memories of that first job flood my mind.  Pumping gas, washing windshields, checking oil, and inflating tires was my main job.  It was a full service station, and we did not permit self service.  Buster was a great boss, and the co-owner Kenneth Cunningham was a superb mentor.  People in the neighborhood drove up regularly, and I learned many by name.  Some wanted a small amount of fuel, while others were “fill’er up!”  Most of the time, they said “put it on my account” and I would write down the amount on a small pad with carbon paper between leaves of paper, then put them in the cash register.  Most people paid with cash.  A few people used a credit card, and we had to “run” the card through the impression machine with the loud rackity-rack sound of the sliding bar.  I stayed busy on the front.  I got to where I could dispense a dollar amount of fuel just by listening to the pump meter click.  People would worry that I wasn’t watching, but I could nail getting some dollar amount just counting the clicks of the ten cent wheel.

Our pumps looked like this, and the price per gallon setting didn’t have a dollar quantity!

There were a few memorable characters that came often.  One was a University of Tennessee professor named Bill.  He had the beard, the moustache, the wire-frame glasses, and the attitude.  He bought the first Mazda rotary engine RX-7 we had ever seen, and I managed to spill a bit of gas from the nozzle onto the paint.  I quickly grabbed my red rag from my back pocket, and proceeded to smear oil from the dirty rag onto the paint as I attempted to wipe the gas away.  He said “go be nice to someone else.”

Another frequent customer was “Maypop.”  He was a nice older man, slow moving, and often wore a summer straw hat like a golfer might wear.  He slowed to a stop, asked for gas, and then talked for a long while with Buster.  He always moved with that body motion that suggested he might fall over if he didn’t get his weight centered over each leg, kind of a side to side rocking step.  I asked Buster why we called him “Maypop.”  Buster said that for many years he would drive in on tires that were well worn out, that “may pop” at any moment.  He never wanted to buy tires, so Buster gave him that nickname to remind him of his potential misfortune.  I think I did actually change his tires one day, though.

Another car that one couldn’t miss would slowly creep through the lot to the pumps.  It was so low to the ground, essentially riding on the frame, because its owner kept putting newspapers in the car.  Kelly was a sickly man, pale and white, with long greasy grey hair, pronounced prescription glasses and a pot belly.  He was supposedly a Knoxville newspaper delivery man, and had a route nearby.  Having been a delivery boy some years ago, I recognized the bundles of newspapers in Kelly’s car.  What I didn’t understand is why Kelly kept adding bundles and bundles and bundles to the interior.  The entire back seat was filled to the roof with newspapers.  The front passenger seat was nearly filled.  The trunk was full.  Kelly had only a small space in which to drive.  He was a regular customer, but couldn’t afford much gas.  His car would slowly meander away, down the dead-end street, and I would shake my head in disbelief.  His car would never go over about 10 mph, as heavy as it was.

Many days we had a car drive in, get a little gas, and ask for directions to Interstate 81.  It was so frequent, that we had a speech prepared with the exact mileages to the interchange.  For whatever reason, back then, people without GPS and maps just navigated by feel, and since downtown Knoxville had “Malfunction Junction” of I-40 and I-75, people found themselves on I-75 N trying to get to I-81 N.  We would turn them around, and thank them for stopping by.

Besides working on the front, I did get to work on cars.  Oil changes were commonly required, in those years, and we had a lot of basic maintenance business.  Back then, we had three or four oil filters that covered essentially every cary.  Fram.  PH8 for Ford.  PH43A for Chrysler.  PH30 for GM.  Our parts supplier kept the stock room rack full every week.  I learned to put the car on the rack, “dog it” with the lifting bars, lift it up, drain the oil, replace the filter, and grease the suspension fittings and U-joints.  I also checked the rear axle fluid level.  Back on the ground, I put in the typical five quarts of oil.  Depending on the customer’s budget, we would use Union 76 oil having gold “Super” or red “Premium” or blue “heavy duty” colors.  Some customers wanted Kendall oil, thought to be even higher quality, which came in a black can.  Of course, these were waxed paper containers, with metal disks at top and bottom, and we had to use the oil spout that pierced the top of the can to get the oil into the engine. 

I also learned how to change tires.  Here, I would bring the car in, get it up on the lift, remove all four wheels from the car, dismount the old tires, mount the new tires, balance the tires, and reinstall them on the car.  My personal record was 45 minutes to do four tires.  Back then, the tires were called “bias ply” tires, and were often sized by width and wheel diameter.  F78-14 was a tire for a typical sedan, and muscle cars had tires like a G70-14.

Summers at Cloverleaf were hard work, and it was hot.  Buster had me there from 10 am to 7 pm, every day.  On Saturday, we had to clean the station.  Everything.  We used a solvent called Varsol to mop the concrete shop floors.  I sometimes dampened a red rag with Varsol, as it was useful in cleaning tools.  But, one day early in my career I kept that Varsol rag in my back pocket all day.  The next day I had a chemical burn on my left cheek.  It was not a good day.

Today if we look up the safety info, we can see why that skin burned!  

I wiped down all the sockets and wrenches to get rid of the oil film.  I stocked the oil and filters and wipers and tires and belts.  I hosed out the restrooms, which were paneled in what looked like Tennessee marble stone tiles from floor to six feet up.  And, I hosed down the entire asphalt parking lot, moving every single pebble, rock, gum wrapper, leaf, or trash into the storm sewer at the north end of the lot.  I was out in the sun for hours.

At lunch, I would retreat into the fourth shop bay where no one could see me.  There, I would eat my lunch, that my mom packed.  I don’t know how I ate all the food she packed, but I did.  Usually each day I ate four sandwiches and a thermos container of bean soup.  I couldn’t eat four sandwiches today if I spaced them out over breakfast lunch and dinner.  But, I was worn out and growing and needed calories.  I’m glad she made them for me.  I’d supplement my lunch with a couple cans of Coke from the machine out in the shed, and maybe a pack of peanut butter crackers too.  I worked.

Back in the shop, Jack worked too.  He was not a person that Buster wanted in front of customers.  He was a shorter man, somewhat broad of chest and hip, and his skin was stained a permanent brown from oil and grease.  He didn’t talk, as much as he grunted.  His teeth were rotting away, and his unkempt hair was filled with grease as he often ran his dirty hands through the long hair to keep it out of his eyes.  His uniform shirts were blue, stained with oil.  But, for those really challenging repairs, Jack was the man.  He replaced the lifters in my 1966 Mustang 289 V8 engine one week, doing a complete valve job as well, and the car ran like a rocket afterwards.  Jack was nice, but a person you just didn’t see that often.

In the front three bays, Carl worked with me.  Carl was a very slim man, with short-cropped hair having grey and black colors.  His face was sagging, wrinkled a bit, and his teeth were stained with the nicotine from the cigarette dangling from his mouth.  His uniform was spotless, and he kept it so by thinking carefully about where to place his body around the work.  Often he would drape a red shop rag on the floor before kneeling on that spot, to keep his pants clean.  Carl balanced pumping gas and general maintenance tasks.

Kenneth usually worked in the middle bay.  He was the brains of the operation and a co-owner.  Any tune up most often required Kenneth’s expertise.  He could operate the “Sun machine” and figure out just what to replace from the curious signals shown on the screen.  Each cylinder gave a flickering blue line, and he could tell if the car needed points, condenser, plugs, wires, or everything.

He knew everything there was to know about carburetors, and I watched him rebuild them without looking at the parts, just working from feel.  Every once in a while a car came in that couldn’t charge its own battery, and Kenneth would take the alternator and regulator down to Knoxville Generator where he rebuilt those.   He was gregarious, loved to speak to anyone with a story or two to share, and made the entire operation pleasant.  His catch phrase was “I’ll tell you what…” which he always followed with some humorous wisdom.  He chewed a little tobacco, drank Cokes and ate peanut butter crackers incessantly, and made sure I was busy.  There is an episode of Andy Griffith featuring Gomer Pyle as the talkative grease monkey, and cars gathering all around the shop for repair work.  Our back lot was filled with broken cars because people liked talking to Kenneth, and trusted him to do the right thing.  He was our Gomer Pyle.  His wife Kathy worked in the station office, doing the books.  His son joined us also, as he grew up.

Buster was the owner, the driving force, and the decision maker.  He was about six feet tall, a bit overweight, balding with white short hair, and I never saw him without a plug of Red Man tobacco in his cheek and a fresh bag in his hip pocket.  He wiped his sweat off his head often with a dirty shop towel, and kept the shop clean and neat.  He drove the red Ford wrecker, picking up all sorts of vehicles needing our repairs.  He was a WW2 veteran, and told me that he drove the landing craft to the beach and back in the Pacific theater.  One battle he made it back and forth five times.  He also relished in the Navy tradition of crossing the equator or date line, and hazing the sailors who had never crossed with truly gross and disturbing materials.  Buster was the boss to fear, but he was really a soft soul.  He had a buxom blonde girlfriend, without whom he would have been lost.

For about three summers and on Saturdays throughout the school year, I was at Cloverleaf. Every day was routine and different, all at the same time.  I learned a lot about cars.  I learned how to work.  But mostly, I learned about people.  The coworkers and clients each brought such different life stories to me, I couldn’t help but be fascinated.  I realized that I would enjoy working in the car industry, but probably not at a service station.  But, I still have one shirt from those days, hanging in my attic, reminding me of what hard work really is.  You can see where I tore the long sleeves away during the hot summer.

My memories of a classic full service gas station are obliterated as I look at the place today.  It’s the same building, in the same place, but it has been destroyed by the ever-changing world we live in.  The bathroom doors on the side wall are still there…the office windows and front door, and the four bays remain.  But, my station is gone. 

I’ll never forget the day Sue took me here for the interview with Buster, and how her relationships with people were so valuable.  Thankfully lessons from my years at Cloverleaf remain in my heart and head.  I think I’d still like to work there today…if only it were as it was then.

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