Today we celebrate Fathers. A unique and challenging role. And, one person in my life I don’t think I’ve ever told you about…

Meet “Grand Dave.”   Grand Dave is living at Shell Point Retirement Home, in Fort Myers FL.  It is a palatial compound, with 700 acres of manicured grass, 1,100 staffers, and 2,500 residents.

Grand Dave and my Mother fell in love many years ago, and my sister Jennifer Snow and I could see their future. I remember as a young single man looking at Dave as if he were a competitor of mine, and that he wasn’t right for my Mother. Before they married, they vacationed in Florida, both of them loving camping in a tent, the outdoors, and taking care of his aging parents down in New Port Richey. I drove my pride and joy, a grey 1970 Volvo 164 to meet them and my sister for a brief weekend as a family. I recall talking to Jennifer over breakfast about this dastardly man who was romancing our mother, and how it seemed inevitable that they would soon be married. Being the son of a single Mom, you do get a bit protective.

(not my car, but the same model and year…always loved the front end style)

The weekend went well enough, except that my Volvo starting smoking from the passenger side rear wheel. Turns out the brake on that side was stuck and in a few hundred miles not much was left of the brake pads. They went on while I found a nearby repair shop with a skilled mechanic, which was an amazing story all to itself. After rejoining them, the trip was thankfully pleasant and the old car carried me back to Knoxville TN without further incident.

Sure enough, though, some months later, Grand Dave proposed to Mom. I think she was smitten by his sartorial taste in work boots that he forgot to change out of one day, wearing them with a dapper grey suit to the symphony orchestra concert. You must admit, for a man who had never been to the symphony orchestra to even attend a concert, because he was in love, that says a lot.

Grand Dave had two kids, just like us. Little David was a year ahead of me in school, and Jenni was a year ahead of my sister. But we knew each other socially, having learned to dance at “Debonair Dancers” after school together. Yes, we did do the promenade, the waltz, and the two-step. I always hated when the teacher made us ask the girl to our right or left for the next dance. You never knew whose feet you would be stepping on next, and you hoped she was pretty. One day the shortest girl in the class and I had to dance, and it happened to be the day the newspaper was doing a piece on our after-school activity. Yes, our picture, entitled “The Long And Short Of It,” made the News-Sentinel.

So, with our shared past, a wedding of two families seemed so relaxing. We all participated in the wedding. We soon became a blended family of adult kids, and soon enough both David and Jenni had kids of their own. Mom and Grand Dave hosted spectacular Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, and summer cookouts with badminton and horseshoes in the yard. Dave took us out on his boat, as often as he could, and we loved trying to water ski on Fort Loudon.

Being young engineers, both Jennifer and I, and having our own challenges, we didn’t see how much Grand Dave meant to my Mom for a while. But, on the occasions when we were allowed to peek behind the curtain, so to speak, we saw a man who was so perfectly suited for his new role. Mom was managing a new real estate venture, dealing with the government foreclosed houses, and getting them back into saleable condition for the lender. Dave was working for a trucking company, selling LTL services and managing customer relationships. Mom needed help, though, and Dave started doing anything she asked.  There’s a movie with the same sentiment – The Princess Bride.  I’m sure you remember how the hero always replied to his love with “as you wish.”  Dave was never quite the dashing swordsman pirate, but he was always there.  Whatever she needed, he was her Wesley.  Real estate is a hard life.  Mom worked ten to fifteen hours a day, when we were in high school, and with this new venture, she needed someone strong. 

And, Dave was strong.  He had been through a lot. Turmoil.  Sadness.  Stress.  At times, it must have got to him.  But, once he recognized he needed change, he made a change.  He was strong enough to overcome his greatest challenge, and every day he faced it down.  Mom knew he was strong, and I think her love for Dave grew in that year of engagement.

With his personal strength, he soon found himself on the road with her, inspecting homes, clearing brush, putting up signs, taking pictures inside and outside the home, toting tons of trash left by the derelict homeowners to the dump, pretty much anything required.  What made Dave special is how he was able to keep the stress from spilling out.  He managed to shoulder that stress, to keep moving, and to accomplish the mission.  I know he must have been exhausted after working two jobs, essentially, for years.

In time, though, Mom and Dave were able to return to Florida to the wonderful lifecare community Shell Point.  This move was made possible by another skill Dave had…analyzing and planning.  He had been working for years on the family finances, keeping some order from the chaos of buying and selling real estate, and one day he told her  “It’s time for us to go!”  Mom needed that kind of leadership and care.  She had kept her head down since 1973, just working and working and working, hoping to retire soon.  But Dave could see the dream and the reality finally coming together.  The condo they loved atop a hill in Knoxville went on the market, and a nice little condo at Shell Point was purchased.

You know retirement is supposed to be easy, right?  That’s what my retirement advisor promised me!  But, even in the midst of splendor at Shell Point, challenges arose.  Dave was able to quietly manage the family.  Old pets, new pets, old friends, new friends, sunshine and rain.  Church anchored them in the new environs.  And Dave bought another boat, his favorite activity of all.  It was a pontoon boat, and at Shell Point he could leave it docked ready to go anytime.  I think it made him happy, just knowing he could head out and cruise the Caloosahatchee River bay anytime.  Dave make friends with anyone he met, and his gregarious nature made their social life enjoyable.  As you know aging takes a toll on the body, even now I can sense it in my young body. Dave continues to fight whatever ailment he has.  What is always amazing is his approach to pain and frustration.  Instead of complaining, he accommodates.  Instead of wishing for days gone by, he lives in the present.  A good hamburger is better than a strip steak, most days.  And, watching his beloved UT Volunteers is a must do.  

You know how hurricanes can make or break a family.  Dave and Mom suffered enormously with Hurricane Ian, in 2022.  Their first-floor condo only feet from a river waterway was of course flooded by the wall of water surging northeasterly.  That emotional trauma of losing everything would have broken most of us, but Dave and Mom managed to overcome.  They stayed in temporary housing on premises, then finally made it to a new third floor apartment in assisted living.  Did I mention how strong Dave is?  I hope one day I can withstand “my” hurricane, as he did.

Dave lost his wife, my Mom, in August 2024.  Being with him that day, I could see the incredible man he is.  Tough.  Wise.  Sensible.  And still madly in love.  We both cried together, there in the apartment, at 3:00 am.  I’m sure he thinks of her every day, as do I.

Dave still enjoys life at Shell Point.  I don’t get to see him as much anymore.  Jennifer looks in on Dave and keeps all the kids informed.   She calls Dave “Dad” now.  And truly, he is.  Happy Father’s Day, Grand Dave…I mean, Dad.