• The Road To Reality

Seeking To Understand

Seeking To Understand

Category Archives: Fitness

The Old Brown Hat

19 Tuesday Dec 2023

Posted by Chip Hewette in Discovery, Fitness

≈ Comments Off on The Old Brown Hat

Tags

Fitness, pets

“Come on, Zeus!” he exclaimed. ”Let’s take a truck ride!”

Zeus always wanted to go on truck rides. It was his favorite thing to do. Well, besides sleeping next to the fire. The fire helped his aging hips. But a truck ride? Time to go!

Zeus bounded to the door, tongue out, with that excited in and out breath. 

“Wait just a minute, old friend,” he begged. ”I forgot my phone. As usual. Where did I leave that?”

With a press of the Apple Watch iPhone icon, the phone chirped incessantly. It was up in the office. Or maybe the master bedroom. He could never be sure. His creaking knees groaned as he trudged up the fourteen steps. Again.

“I can’t wait to retire!” he muttered to no one in particular. ”Move to a new house. With no more steps. Nary a one!”

The phone was on the bed, where he had laid it when he laced on his running shoes. They were running shoes. They just didn’t do much running anymore. Asics. He’d worn them for years. These were blue, with orange trim. Running shoes, but good for walking Zeus.

With shoes on, he slipped on a saddle-tan Carhartt jacket, with the blue fabric insulation. In the pockets he found leather gloves. Taking a step towards the front door, he stopped, turned, and went back to the closet. There, on the shelf, was his old brown hat. As cold as the day had turned out to be, he grabbed it. It fit him well, after so many years. In the cool December afternoon, the hat would be nice.

“Let’s go, big boy!” With that, he opened the door to the truck. Zeus looked at him, and cocked his head sideways just enough. ”Okay, okay, I’ll help you up.”

Zeus was about 85 pounds. It depended on the season, and how much exercise they had in the cold Virginia winters or hot humid summers. Zeus was a GSD. Being a GSD, he had that strong sense of duty, of purpose, and was so very bright. Being a family pet seemed almost a waste of such innate character and talent, but for Zeus, being that pet became his duty. He was exceptional as a pet. And, now, after twelve years together, with a touch of typical arthritis, Zeus needed that life of ease.

He folded the single seat up, making a low spot for Zeus to get into the truck. Zeus put his front paws on the truck floor, and looked back.

“I’ll lift you up the rest of the way…hang on.” And, with his long arms, he reached down for Zeus’s back legs and boosted him up on the floor. Zeus bounded up on the double seat, covered with his favorite old blanket, and nearly grinned.

He eased the truck forward, over the big curb at the end of the drive. With the heavy duty suspension of a three-quarter ton truck, every bump jarred the driver and passengers like a linebacker smashing into a running back. He had wanted the heavy duty truck, for towing, but of late, there was little towing to do.

In the mid-afternoon traffic, he found his way to that second-hand sporting goods store. He needed to buy covers for his set of golf club irons to protect them from banging together as they jostled in the bag as the cart careened around the cart paths.

“Wait here, Zeus,” he asked. ”I’m just going to the store for a minute. I’ll open the sunroof for you, just enough.” Zeus followed him every step of the way, as he swung around the corner of the parking lot and into the store.

There, while looking for the covers, he chanced to look at the rack of used putters. He already had three putters, but none of them worked very well. It was probably the putter, he told himself.

He spotted a putter with a white double stripe, and a white half circle. It caught his eye, because it was so familiar. Turning the Ping putter over, he saw the word “Craz-E.”

 That’s why it was so familiar, it was the putter he wanted back when Craz-E The Big Brown Dog was his true and best friend. Crazy as the dog was, he was named Craz-E, on the AKC paperwork. Craz-E would never be forgotten, but Zeus’s friendship was special. His love eased the pain of loss.

The putter looked in good condition. He put a few balls on the filthy blue-grey industrial carpet, and tapped them towards the treadmills gathering dust. The soft face insert made a muted sound, and the balls rolled true and stopped at the about the same distance away. The barcoded price was $49.99. eBay pricing on similar putters was at least $75, so he reasoned it was a good deal.

He waited for the clerk to finish regaling the customer ahead of him with stories of massive 390 yard drives at Top Golf. It was his baseball athleticism, the clerk said, but he wanted some day to be a golfer, after his college baseball was over. The older gentleman smiled as he paid for a putter. His choice was a classic brass blade, with no alignment features, weighting, or shaft curves. Just a putter. Like they used in the 1930s. The man realized he was delaying another sale, and said a quick goodbye to the young man.

He laid the Ping putter up on the counter, where the scanner could see the bar code. It struck him as somewhat funny that two older men had purchased putters within minutes of each other. One with technology. One without. He wondered who would enjoy the next round of golf more.

“I’m back, young fellow,” he smiled at Zeus. ”Let’s find our way somewhere different for a walk.” He looked at his iPhone, and saw that they were near a local university. Perfect. Zeus hadn’t been to this university ever, and that would give him something to enjoy.

The university was a place he frequented years ago. Every couple of weeks, his workout program would meet there, and struggle to complete exercises and run around the campus. The hilly terrain and sidewalks made for perfect exercise torture, by the program leader who insisted he was doing his best for the team. He parked at the same parking lot as they met at 0545 those years ago, and grabbed the leash.

“Come on Zeus! Let’s walk around the lake. It’s around here somewhere.” Zeus clambered down from the seat, to the floor, and finally to the asphalt. His weight made it hard on the joints, and yet he remained young at heart. With a snap of the leash on his collar, Zeus bounded ahead.

“Let’s go this way” he asked Zeus. Without hearing, or without noting that he heard, Zeus made a straight line at nearly a jogging pace towards the pine needle-covered yard under the tall trees. He realized that his trip to the store must have taken longer than he thought, but Zeus managed to be a good boy even so.

Zeus was always a good boy. He didn’t say much, didn’t do much, but was always there. He never complained. He never caused any trouble. Except when there was occasion to dig in the back yard. For whatever reason, the soft earth in the spring time created a digging frenzy. He never knew what Zeus was seeking. But, with a wet towel, the big feet were soon clean enough and Zeus plopped down for a rest inside. He decided Zeuss was still a good boy.

Down the path from the parking lot he went. Zeus wandered from scent to scent. Trying to get exercise was hard, with the starts and stops, but it was Zeus’s time too. He looked at the signs on the campus, trying to remember where the path to the lake was. In a few hundred yards, he saw a marker pointing to the famous lake, and turned left there.

It was a lake like no other lake. In the olden days, the young women and young men resided on opposite sides of the lake. Somehow he didn’t think that stopped much of anything from happening, but it doubtless was a reassuring admission counselor commentary as parents considered sending their precious teenager to college there. Nowadays, the lake was a focal point, and with good reason. It was beautiful, just big enough, and just small enough. He could walk around the lake and feel like he had done something good for his health.

Zeus padded along beside him, on the asphalt that still looked new. Before, it was a dirt trail, some years ago, but with the money of this institute of higher learning, paving it was only a matter of time. He walked along the perimeter, heading towards the bridge.

There, nearly at the far end of the lake was the bridge. It was a unique bridge, with an island in its middle. A gazebo at the edge of the island sheltered those who paused to take in the view. Or, met for reasons only young college kids would understand. Zeus turned onto the bridge, as if he had been there before. In a few steps, he and Zeus were at the island.

“Hey, Zeus…let’s get your picture!” Zeus was always having his picture made. He was used to it, by now. Almost on automatic, Zeus found a spot where he could be seen. He sat, and waited.

In the setting sun, the lighting was just perfect. He asked Zeus to stay, and arranged the leash just so. The leash was always in the picture, and he hated that. On the island, he decided to take the leash off. Zeus wouldn’t go anywhere. He was a good boy. He backed up, away from Zeus who was sitting near the gazebo, trying to find just the right spot for a portrait. The sun was coming from the southwest, and there was only a few moments of that golden glow left. Zeus looked at him, but just when he was ready to take the picture, Zeus turned his head.

“Come on Zeus! Look at me. Look right here. Here, boy!”

Zeus turned to face the iPhone, but quickly turned away. He felt exasperated, but was used to it. Zeus looked back at him, and the shot was perfect. Until it wasn’t.

“Zeus!” he shouted. ”Zeus!”

Whether or not Zeus heard him, he couldn’t be sure. He was sure of one thing…Zeus could still run! In a flash, Zeus had leapt up, turned left, and bounded away across the bridge at a full gallop.

“Zeus!” He grabbed the leash and fumbled with his phone, trying not to drop it. Looking down at the Carhartt jacket he stuffed the iPhone in the interior pocket. and coiled the leash. The Asics running shoes were suddenly very appropriate, as he chased after Zeus.

Dashing as fast as his arthritic knees would allow, he made his way across the bridge towards the wooded shoreline. Coming around the gazebo, another walker was heading towards him, and he had to swerve to avoid a bone-crushing crash. At the same moment, a cold gust of wind swirled across the lake, and his hat flew off. Right into the dark brown water. His hat!

“Zeus!” he yelled. Zeus was still running, headed into the woods. With the setting sun, in the dark woods, Zeus’s deep black and tan coat was perfectly camouflaged. He couldn’t see where Zeus was. And, in that instant, he knew he couldn’t save the hat. Glancing back, he saw it slowly filling with water like a canoe under the rapids of the James River. His hat!

With pounding feet, he kept after Zeus. A branch from a tree had fallen across the path, and he nearly bought the farm, stumbling and leaping and pirouetting in mid-air just to stay upright. There! To his right, up the hill, he saw the familiar bushy tail heading over the top step.

He remembered these steps. They weren’t really steps, more like railroad ties placed randomly up the hillside. No way to just run up them, he had to look at each step carefully, to avoid crashing into the wooden beams. He hated the steps in the days of his fitness program, and with Zeus out of sight again, he hated them more. If only he had stayed in shape!

At the top of the steps he paused to scan for Zeus. There, right on the edge of the path, Zeus stood. His gaze was up, his teeth were visible, and he uttered a low growl. What in the world?

He slowly walked towards Zeus, doing his best impression of a Green Beret soldier creeping up on the enemy. Up in the tree he could see a dark shape. It was pretty far up the tree. Somewhat rounded in shape, in the body.

“Zeus” he whispered. ”What are you chasing?”

Zeus didn’t look away from the shape in the tree. He kept growling, just loud enough to be heard. The shape moved, and the tree bark screeched in response, as little bits of bark fell to the ground.

“Zeus…it’s a bear!” he hissed. ”Let’s get out of here!”

Sure enough, up in the tree was a small black bear. Probably a cub. Probably one of a few cubs. He didn’t want to stick around to meet the mother. Even with Zeus.

“Zeus…let’s go!” he whispered. ”Come on, boy! Let’s go!”

Looking back, Zeus realized he had done his job. He ambled back, keeping a wary eye upwards, but soon took his position beside his somewhat amazed father.

“Zeus…let’s get to the truck.” And, with the snap of the leash on the collar, they were off. Walking quickly away from the wooded area near the lake, they made their way along a service path and around a building. There, just ahead, was the truck, dimly lit under a parking lot light.

With the push of the key fob, the truck lit up and the doors unlocked. Zeus pulled ahead, to the back door, waiting for it to be opened.  He reached down to help Zeus into the truck, but to his surprise, Zeus took one leap up and sat proudly on the back seat. His eyes were bright. His tongue was out. His breath was quick, in and out, and his excitement was noticeable.

“Good boy, Zeus!” he smiled. ”You sure showed him who is boss!” Zeus beamed. ”Don’t ever do that again!”

He walked around to the driver’s door. Something was wrong. Something was missing. His hat! His old brown hat. No doubt by now it was at the bottom of the lake. There were a lot of memories with that hat. What had it been, thirty years? Maybe longer? He remembered wearing it so long ago, with his brown leather jacket, as he mimicked Indiana Jones at a Sunday School costume party. My goodness, he thought. That was a long, long time ago.

The big V8 rumbled to life, and he flicked on the fog lights for extra visibility. Out of the university parking lot, and onto the road to the river, he eased the truck carefully along. Traffic was heavy, at the end of the day, and so many people were out and about for Christmas shopping.

He looked in the rear view mirror, and saw Zeus. Instead of sitting up, like he most often did, Zeus was laying across the seat, nestled in his old blanket, asleep. What a dog, he thought. Twelve years old, and chasing a bear cub up a tree!

He rubbed his thinning hair. It was not styled quite right, after wearing a hat and then running with all his might to find the dog. He smoothed the mix of brown and grey strands out of his eyes, and tried to comb them back with his open fingers as he stared in the mirror, stopped at the red light. He didn’t like the grey. It made him feel really old. 

He heard Zeus from the back seat. It was one of those soft barks, heard in a dog’s dream. No doubt he was barking at the bear again, dreaming of being young again, and full of life. If only dreams could come true.

He thought back to the costume party, when he was young. There, he had dressed like a hero, and all it took to complete the look was that old brown hat. With a smile, he knew what tomorrow’s adventure would be. Shopping. With Zeus. For a new brown hat.

And Miles To Go Before I Sleep

18 Sunday Apr 2021

Posted by Chip Hewette in Fitness, Police

≈ Comments Off on And Miles To Go Before I Sleep

On Saturday mornings, usually, I drag myself out of bed and don running attire for a jog with friends. In the pre-dawn darkness, this is harder than usual, especially as I try to do this silently. My wife likes to sleep in on the weekends, after her tiring toil all week, and our dog remains catatonic until the sun comes up. I stumble around with a tiny flashlight looking for everything I need. I could have done what my wife suggested and put all the items out the night before, but who’s got time for that?

A cup of joe, a banana, and a little cereal get me going. And then I’m off to a great morning with friends who have also struggled to get up and make it to the run. Most often our run leader apologizes for one of the group who has texted him that he is coming, is a little late, but to please wait. Somedays the late arrival screams to a stop in a cloud of dust in a VW SUV. Other days a fellow arrives quietly, parks at the end of the line, and makes some excuse about his kids, or his wife, as we point to our watches. Yesterday a tall older engineer driving a white SUV was almost late. Well, if you are in a military-themed fitness program he was late, being on time. Exactly on time.

It was a beautiful spring morning yesterday. Cool but not too cool. The blue sky beckoned, and the bright sun said “Come on down to the river and play!” Our leader had mapped out not one but two 5K routes for us. Down the path we went. The cool kids zoomed ahead, while I stayed back with…well, no one. We went to the flood wall, eastward, and then back to the parking area along 7th. From time to time the real runners turned about to rejoin me, in a maneuver called “back to last.” This keeps the group together, but also serves to motivate the last person to move faster. Who wants to be last? At the parking area, two more of our group joined in for the second 5K. Here we risked our lives along Riverside Drive until we could turn off towards the trail to Belle Isle along the railroad. Around Belle Isle, over the pedestrian bridge, back towards Brown’s Island, over the T Pot bridge, and back up the hill we wandered. Another 5K, and time for breakfast.

I think breakfast is really why we run together. It’s a time to connect. You can’t talk much on the run, especially if you are zooming along at the 8:15 minute per mile pace favored by some. But at breakfast, we can check in. How’s the new Volvo? Are you feeling okay with your upcoming blessed event? Is the home renovation going well? Yesterday I invited my wife and Sandy The Little White Dog to join us at Cafe Zata, and both had a great time. I think Sandy was a little nervous, at first, but then realized she could have fun with new friends. The breakfast bowl and blueberry muffin lasted about three minutes, but the conversations lasted an hour. I think that’s our rule. If we run for an hour, we eat for an hour. Seems fair to me.

I took a little time to work on the taxes, and to fiddle with some band sound equipment after the run. I looked forward to the afternoon and evening, as I would again be helping Henrico County Police with my partner in the Motorist Assistance Unit. The day got away from me, and once again I was just on time to the parking area. Thankfully my partner had set up the car and called in our information to the Communications Officers, and we headed out into the afternoon sun. Within a minute, we heard our first call. You never know what you’ll face, and you hope only that you can help in some way.

It was a confusing call on the radio, this one. A crash at Three Chopt and Cox. Wait, a crash at Rockport and Three Chopt.

Turns out it was one crash, involving two cars, but one vehicle didn’t stick around. Hit and run accidents get everyone excited, especially a bad one. This one was worse than usual. We found a Hyundai SUV hit broadside on the passenger side, both doors bashed in, and airbags deployed everywhere. Fire and Rescue were there, along with two other units.

We set up traffic control for the incredibly busy Three Chopt Road, two lanes of continuous traffic, with one lane blocked headed east. We had the east bound traffic detour through a ritzy subdivision, and slowed the westbound traffic through the scene. Throughout the hour, we found many of the motorists only too accommodating to the chaos, taking the detour without stopping. But, dozens of drivers stopped to see if there was some way they could be directed through a crash scene with three police cars, one fire engine, one rescue truck, and a wrecker. I use what the military calls “command presence” and politely direct these ditzy drivers to a new reality. From time to time, we had to stop all lanes to let the emergency vehicles in and out. All the while we were working this crash, other officers had located the vehicle that caused the crash, about a mile away. This explained the knocked down mailbox, the deep tire tracks on the road shoulder, and the radio traffic about a second crash involving a white truck. White paint covers the SUV impact damage, as you can see. You gotta wonder who would obliterate another vehicle and just keep on keepin’ on. No doubt they had problems with insurance, license, alcohol, drugs, or citizenship.

After the first crash, we patrolled the western half of Henrico County. Transiting from Staples Mill to Short Pump on I-295 we happened on a disabled motorist. His car was barely off the interstate, and the flashers were blinking. My partner inquired if we could be of assistance. Through the open Police Interceptor window, I could hear the citizen. The gentleman gave a long story about being taken advantage of, in buying a trailer, which had broken down, with a bad wheel and tire. He had left the trailer there overnight, and was attempting to repair it on the side of the interstate. There, a white Ryder truck driver had driven so closely to the white line that the side of the truck had kissed his backside. Literally. But wait, there’s more! The fellow was from Boston, but had moved to New York, where his wife had a job with a TV show. He hated New York, with all the people and traffic. He wanted to move elsewhere. But his wife, she had a great job. Then she tired of New York, and they decided a move to Alaska was in order. Of course somehow they needed a trailer, to haul all their stuff, and he had purchased this one. And the seller was not nice. He had misrepresented the trailer as being in good shape. And the police were not helping him get his money back. The fellow’s wife was mad at him. Because they had to get to Alaska, and he was the one who picked out this trailer. After sharing all this, he turned and pulled the tow vehicle ahead of the trailer, and made ready to hook up. The stories people tell. And when they tell them.

We set out a few flares to alert passing motorists of the hazard before the State Police arrived, and wished him well in his endeavor to pull this trailer to Alaska. The tires and wheels were of different sizes, the axle was noticeably bent, and the open trailer contents reminded me of an episode of Sanford & Son and Hoarders…total junk.

We checked the calls for service again on the web portal, and found another disabled motorist at Shady Grove and Nuckols listed. In a few minutes, the Interceptor made it there, where we saw a large dump bed truck filled with topsoil hooked up to an even larger wrecker. We helped the officer on scene for a few minutes, and shook our head as the wrecker front axle and tires rose off the pavement with the heavily loaded broken-down truck on its tow hook. The driver moved the load forward as far as he could, to reconnect the front tires with the roadway. The officer followed the tow truck towards the county line, to ensure its safety, and we headed back towards the western end of our county.

In the darkness, we heard another call for service. This time a three car crash on North Parham. There is a lot of traffic on Parham, and a three car crash sounded like it might be a major event. We arrived and found three cars in the fast lane, headed north, and a couple of our units there. With the speeds on Parham being upwards of 45 mph and the need to protect our officers we placed our unit a fifty yards further south. Robert Frost wrote of a journey, and his words come to mind.

My little horse must think it queer   
To stop without a farmhouse near   
Between the woods and frozen lake   
The darkest evening of the year. 

This spot on Parham Road is not unlike a spot between the woods and the lake, and is quite dark without any streetlights. There is a small lake there, just to the west.

Our little horse, the Interceptor stopped there, like Mr. Frost’s horse and carriage, and it probably wondered why we stopped in the middle of the thoroughfare.

We joined the officers to see what needed to be done, and discovered the rearmost car, the one starting the crash, was leaking coolant badly. Coolant in the waterway is hazardous, so we had to create a solution to prevent it heading into the storm drain just across from the scene. Without “kitty litter” absorbent, carried by the wrecker driver normally, we used our available materials from the cruiser. One roll of shop towels, and an ancient green bath towel made a suitable dam for the coolant. A fire engine came to evaluate the situation, and the Lieutenant told us we had done well to keep the waterway clean. They put a few shovels of dirt down in front of the coolant path, and headed back to their station. The Mercedes driver at the front of the crash was released, with essentially only a bump to the bumper. The middle red GMC Denali with the smashed up six-way tailgate and bumper headed out a few minutes later. But, the rearmost car, the one causing all this consternation, continued to leak. In time, the wrecker driver arrived to tow the Honda Pilot with the smashed radiator, and a few pounds of absorbent were used to sop up the mess. The female passenger spoke no English, and was not happy with the way things were going based on her stream of forceful Spanish to her husband. The driver spoke haltingly, and it was all I could do to move them out of the way of the wrecker operations. When the vehicle is towed onto a flatbed, the steel cable can come loose, and sling sideways with great force. I had to move the couple away from the ramp, and I finally resorted to a forceful exclamation “Andale! Andale!” with gestures to move away. We helped steer the SUV up the wrecker ramp, as it was not aligned well with the lane of traffic. And, after an hour on scene, the last car was removed, and we could move on.

By this time, it was late. We headed to our home base for fuel, and parked our cruiser at the secure lot at the Public Safety Building. Looking at the odometer, we noted 85 miles of driving. Six hours, six calls for service, and 85 miles. I felt like I had just run another 10K.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,   
But I have promises to keep,   
And miles to go before I sleep,   
And miles to go before I sleep.

So that was Saturday. Miles to run. Miles to drive. You never know how many. But thankfully, finally, sleep.

Fitness From Fear

06 Saturday Apr 2019

Posted by Chip Hewette in Fitness

≈ Comments Off on Fitness From Fear

I’m a member of an incredible fitness program, called X-Team Fitness.

x-team logo doodle

Our program is based on five principles that make it special. Testing, nutrition, accountability, community, and variety make X-Team different, and it is a vital part of my daily life.  We meet early in the morning or late in the afternoon, and in a variety of locations around Richmond, Virginia, including the X-Box at 2928 West Leigh Street.

I joined X-Team in October 2017, completed the introductory six-week fitness challenge, and then continued exercising until about the end of January 2018. My thinking was that I could maintain fitness on my own, with the discipline of the previous months ensuring I would exercise regularly. In fact, I did exercise regularly, throughout the winter and spring, by myself.  My workouts were simpler, shorter, and based on road running. Somehow I maintained a basic fitness level, and lost a little weight.

But, in May of 2018, while at my daughter’s college graduation, I unexpectedly recognized that my leaving a number of activities over the years, including X-Team, was based on a fear.  I was afraid of failing. My fear was based on a belief that my performance was not sufficient, not good enough, not worthy, and did not meet a standard. I think most people would call this “performance anxiety.”

Over the next few weeks, I focused my attention on the causes of my performance anxiety.  Introspection led me to three main elements of my fear. These are

  • Unreasonable expectations
  • Lack of courage
  • Need for affirmation

Each of these three can be compared to the fire triangle of fuel, air, and heat. When all three are present, a fire burns within, and that fire, like most fires, creates fear.

X-Team is an incredible workout, and challenges even the most physically-fit individual. Working out in a group, under the direction of a very capable leader, it is very easy to find yourself thinking “I can’t do this.  I’m really out of shape. These exercises are hard to do. I can’t even do some of these.” Each hour of the workout, you can, very easily, fuel the fire of performance anxiety.  At the end of a workout, you can feel consumed by that fire.

For me, it began with unreasonable expectations.  After only a few weeks with the team, I thought I could run with the long-time members.  I thought I should be able to run with the long-time members.   Instead, running in the back, I fell into a trap where I compared my performance to my own unreasonable expectations.

Along with my unreasonable expectations, I found that some exercises were truly challenging to me.  Concerns about injury, pain, and safety for a risk-averse engineer like me are easy to say out loud.  But, deep down, what kept me from progressing was my own lack of courage. Can I dead lift 150? Can I leap this creek without spraining an ankle?  Can I run faster even though my heart is beating about as fast as it can? Without courage, I found myself in the back of the pack, making excuses, and rationalizing why I couldn’t do some activities.

High expectations and low courage were amplified by a belief that I needed affirmation for what I was doing.  Most of my life, I’ve sought out affirmation. I think we all do. But, at some point, we do need to recognize that our affirmation, our sense of worth, must come from within.  Many learn this at an early age. For me, it’s taken too long.

On that special day, my younger daughter’s graduation, for whatever reason, it clicked.  I saw the issue more truthfully. In time, I understood it. I could make sense of it. And, I wanted to never experience that anxiety again.

So, I began to train harder, by myself.  I let the X-Team know I would be back on August 1, 2018.  I rejoined, with a sense of purpose, but more importantly, with an awareness that I had changed.

Since then, my time with X-Team has been transforming.  If we look at what has happened, we can see that each factor that creates performance anxiety has been attacked.  You could say that these three factors have been vanquished.

First, I’ve challenged my expectations.  Can I run like some on the Team? Can I lift as much weight?  Nope. So, what are my expectations? No longer are they to be like others. My expectations are now different. I expect to give each workout everything I have.  I expect to be tired. I expect to be challenged. I expect to be worn out. And, I expect to be back the next day, ready for more.

Secondly, I’ve become more courageous.  Some of the exercises can challenge your self-confidence.  Can you imagine carrying someone weighing 200 pounds on your back up a steep hill in near darkness?  I’ve done it. More than once. I’ve climbed up a concrete railroad trestle foundation about twelve feet tall. I’ve run further than I’ve ever run–15K in the dead of winter.  I’ve cycled 63 miles in a day, keeping up with a very fit team member. Each of these events was based on a newfound courage. I can do this.  I will do this.

Finally, I’ve eliminated the need for external affirmation.  No longer do I need that feedback to keep me going. I know I’m doing the right things for me.  I know I’m getting better every day. I know after every workout, when I climb into the car and head home, I’m better than I was the day before.  I can see it. I can feel it. And, with X-Team Fitness measures, I can be certain of it.

Conquering performance anxiety is an incredible feeling.  It gives me a sense of joy. True joy. Not happiness. Joy.  Feeling that joy, I can set goals. Goals that drive me forward.  This year, I have three. Run the Monument Avenue 10K in fewer minutes than my age.  Ride a century (100 miles). Bench press 1.5X my body weight.

Together, with friends in the X-Team, I know I’ll make it.  Training with these friends means the world to me. Being on a journey, together, I’m confident I can achieve my goals.

Fitness From Frailty

23 Thursday Nov 2017

Posted by Chip Hewette in Fitness

≈ 1 Comment

As I age, I find my mind thinks I can do things my body can’t do.  And, my body tries to do things that it can’t do.  At times, the body says “hey boss, we’re not doing that today.”  At times, the body tries to keep up with the mind, and afterwards, complains “we are NOT doing that again, and I’ll be needing one aspirin, one ibuprofen, AND one naproxen sodium — NOW.”fullsizeoutput_28ec

We all live in our eternal youth, and about halfway through life on earth, we realize that some physical challenges are not easily surmountable.  The fifty-pound luggage we so cautiously lift into the trunk, the thirty-pound bag of dog food we carry to the car, and even the moving of a truck bed of mulch can bring us to our recliners with a groan.  I realized at 55 years old I needed to recover from two decades of sloth.

A friend who volunteers with me in the local police force asked me to consider a novel fitness program, one based on military team activity, yet including other elements of strengthening.  It’s called X-Team Fitness.  The program offered a six-week “boot camp” for a reasonable price, which included before and after measurements of health and fitness.  For some reason, perhaps the fear of my future demise, I decided to accept this challenge.fullsizeoutput_28ed

Six weeks?  I can do this.  How hard can it be?

The physical fitness assessment began one warm Sunday afternoon, with six others joining the “boot camp.”  There, blood pressure, pulse, height, weight, fat content, body mass index, and a 3D physical image were taken.  Along with the medical measures, I managed a couple of pull-ups in the gym.  The following day, I struggled to perform two minutes of sit-ups, two minutes of push-ups, and a 1.5 mile run on a local track.  Boy, am I out of shape!

So it began.  Six weeks of training.  The next day, I joined about two dozen others at an outdoor park where we engaged in light calisthenics before the leader charged off at a brisk pace.  Soon the two dozen were spread out from one end of a bridge to the other, all running at some pace, but some clearly running.  I was at the back of the pack, in my orange “candidate” tee shirt, with my name on the left chest.  “Back to last” came the call from the leader, and I saw the faster runners heading back my way, and turning around again as they reached the back of the pack before zooming away.   So that’s how the group stays together, I thought.  I don’t like being last.fullsizeoutput_28f1

“Bring it in” I heard over the cars passing by.  The group circled around our leader, and we were given a series of interesting exercises to attempt.  After a short session, we returned to running.  And exercising.  And running.  Many of the exercises were new to me, and all were challenging physically.  I could perform at most half the number of them, compared to the others.  I checked to see how the other candidates in orange tee shirts were doing.  Most of the time, we were all bent over after our attempts, heaving deep breaths, or plodding slowly at the back of the pack.

The next day, more of the same.  At another park.  With other challenges.  Some faced as a small team.  Some faced alone.  More running.  More crunches.  More mountain climbers.  More of just about any way to move my body into positions I hadn’t been in since sophomore year of college, as fast as I could move, as many times as I could do it.  At the end of the week, an indoor day at the gym.  Weights.  But not just weights.  Weights in a circuit of training that included all major muscle groups.  Which were all hurting.

Six weeks?  Six weeks of leaving work late, dressed in workout gear? Six weeks of meeting at 6 pm, at places around town I had never been?  Six weeks of daily one hour workouts?  Why is the leader making it so hard?

Each day, I returned home at about 7:30 pm.  Each day, I faced fourteen more steps to climb, to slowly make it to the shower upstairs.  Each step my legs cried out to take it easy.  Your legs would cry out too, if you had to carry a 170 pound man on your back up and down a 10 yard hill.  Yes, that was one of the many exercises we did from time to time.  Dinners were late, and I didn’t have much appetite.  The washer and dryer ran on overtime, cleansing the sweat from that orange candidate shirt every day.  I found myself in bed early.  I had to buy two bottles of pain killers.  Good thing they were on sale.

Six weeks of this.  What am I getting at the end of six weeks?  A black tee shirt?  The one that says “Member?”  That shirt became very important to me.  I saw others in the group wearing theirs.  I saw the name of the group stylishly imprinted on each.  I wasn’t allowed to wear black.  I wasn’t part of the team.  Yet.

During the six weeks, I faced physical challenges that were daunting.  In time, though, I realized my biggest challenge remained within me.  Did I want to go through with this?  How could anyone do this stuff?  Are you kidding?  It hurts!  Don’t you realize it hurts?  You want me to run up how many steps on this hill?  152? Twice?  At least?Libby_Hill_Stairs_Diagonal_DMH3104

I’m doing alright here.  I just need a little time to get going.  I’m old.  I’m not supposed to be able to do this, like those young kids running with me.  And this weight lifting?  I am totally confused.  How am I supposed to do a “hack squat?”  This seems risky to me!  Many times during the first few minutes of a workout I thought “I’m just not doing this.  I’m leaving.  I cannot lift 50,000 pounds in 45 minutes.  This is insane!”

For a few weeks, I suffered along.  Workouts became easier, in time. The camaraderie of the group brought life to the effort.  The shared physical challenges brought us closer together.  I don’t know if you’ve ever performed a set of sit-ups as a line of Radio City Music Hall dancers might, arms interlocked and moving in unison.  I have.  It’s hard!  But, working together like that brought me to a greater effort level, not wanting to let the group down.  Many small team exercises like this made the hours go by with more meaning.

Week 1 over.  Week 2 over.  Week 3 over — hey, I am doing this!  Week 4 — the sun is nearly down and we’re still doing it.  But what a great opportunity to exercise along the James River…IMG_3360

Week 5 — the sun is down, it’s cold, it’s raining, and we are still doing this.  Only sixteen of us, but we are out here.  I realized that I was reaching the point of decision.  Would I continue?  Would I be part of this team?  In Week 5, the experience felt like dating a very beautiful girl, but a girl you wouldn’t take home to mother.  There was something about the girl that just wasn’t right for me.  In that week, I was convinced that I’d have to tell our leader that I was grateful for the six weeks, the improvements I’d made, but I would have to do this on my own now.  I rehearsed the speech many times.  It would be hard telling someone you don’t want to continue.

Week 6 came.  I had to make every workout, to meet attendance requirements.  Monday was an indoor day.  Tuesday back outdoors.  Wednesday was yoga at 6 am.  Thursday, back outdoors, at 6 am.  Thursday was hard.  A lap of the 400 meter track, an exercise, another lap, another exercise, and so on for ten exercises.  I was whipped.  I was last, but I finished.  In the finest military tradition, the team rallied around me, even our leader, and helped me run to the finish line in a near sprint. Friday indoors, 6 pm, with two seven-exercise circuits.  Small teams, working together.  I got to call the exercise counts for the entire cohort.  It felt good.  I left, knowing I had made the six weeks.  I would have cried, except the sweat had taken all my tears.

The next day, I had to carry my wife downtown to a medical training course.  I realized that I would be near one of our workout places, and I wanted to do a little workout to ensure that I would perform well at the fitness evaluation on Sunday and Monday.  I parked near Belle Isle and walked down there with my dog Sandy.  We crossed the bridge to the Isle, took a few pictures, then began jogging.fullsizeoutput_28c1

It felt good.  After making it around the Isle, and back across the bridge, we jogged up the very steep road called Brown’s Island Way that was part of at least two workouts before.  It was hard. Still.  But it was not the same.  I was alone.  I was on my own.  My pace was slow, and the energy within was low.  The team would have made a difference.

And then, the evaluation on Sunday.  Weight, body mass index, and pull-ups.  I prayed for pull-ups.  Four pull-ups.  I wanted to show some improvement on this, my biggest strength challenge.  The measurements of body fat lost, muscle and size gained, were energizing.  I made four pull-ups and hung on the bar for 58 seconds.  Progress!  Monday at 6 am, the test.  Another “team orange” member partnered with me, and we went through the push-ups and sit-ups.  The run followed, and I could tell I was faster.  The group dashed to the gym, where graduation ceremonies were scheduled at 7 am.

There, my improvements were lauded.  I doubled my pull-ups.  Doubled my push-ups.  Doubled my sit-ups.  Cut two minutes from my run time.  And, there, in our leader’s hand, was my black tee shirt.  The shirt I’d wanted for six weeks.  Folded neatly.  Logo visible.  With a custom certificate of completion, recognizing “I pushed, I adapted, I overcame.”  I smiled broadly as the group applauded.fullsizeoutput_28d2

Over the next few days, I realized the journey I’m on isn’t over.  It began with a mantra of “I can’t!”  For weeks I made that statement.  Quietly.  Silently.  But I said it.  About halfway through the pain, “I can’t!” became “I want!”  I wanted to make it through the entire six weeks.  I wanted to make it through the pain in my knees, my shoulder, my arms.  I wanted the black shirt.  That want drove me to a measure of success.  But, in Week 6, I realized I had changed inside. No longer “I can’t” with fear of failure looming over me.  No longer “I want” as I was certain I could make the six weeks.  It was “I will!”  I will do this!  I will push myself.  I will continue.  I will attack the challenge.  It’s a real difference, for me.  It’s a change in how I look at my abilities.  And, in time, I think I’ll smile as I face them with a new recognition — “I can!”  In time, I can see myself smiling as I scramble up a near vertical rock face at Byrd Park down at the Pump House.  I can see myself truly dashing up 152 stairs at Libby Hill, enjoying the view from the top, and heading down to do it again.  “I can!”Libby_Hill_Fountain_Top_DMH3092

Today, there is only one “I can’t” left in me…but it’s different.  I’m heading to a place of personal growth and extreme fitness.  I’m heading to a life with health and wellness.  It’s not “I can’t.”  It’s “I can’t WAIT.“

Subscribe

  • Entries (RSS)
  • Comments (RSS)

Archives

  • October 2025
  • July 2025
  • June 2025
  • May 2025
  • April 2025
  • April 2024
  • December 2023
  • September 2023
  • June 2023
  • October 2022
  • August 2022
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • November 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • August 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • September 2018
  • June 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • November 2017
  • July 2017
  • April 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • August 2016
  • February 2016
  • October 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • July 2014

Categories

  • Christianity
  • Discovery
  • Engineering
  • Fitness
  • Motorcycling
  • Personal Growth
  • Police
  • Relationships
  • Short Stories
  • Travel & Leisure

Meta

  • Create account
  • Log in

Blog at WordPress.com.

  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Seeking To Understand
    • Join 38 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Seeking To Understand
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...